Benign Stalker and Baboon Brunnhilde.
I am participating in SP9, the current round Secret Pal gift swap and so far I've been beautifully spoiled by my pal. She sent me a first package a few weeks ago that was absolutely perfect: a pattern book I had not mentioned in my SP9 questionnaire but confessed to coveting in an entry some two weeks later, possibly a half-tonne of ab-so-lute-ly mouthwatering to-die-for chocolate truffles (O.M.G! What a way to go!) and some breathtakingly lovely Schaefer yarn Anne, a handpainted merino-mohair (fingering weight) yarn that's too exquisite for socks (darn it!), it will have to be a shawl or something elegant when it grows up. All this came inside a beautiful board suitcase decorated with pictures of painted clay pottery. I was and am suitably grateful and I just want to reiterate to my pal that if this is a sign of things to come: Please, will you adopt me?
Alas, my spoiler pal is avoiding this potentially awkward family expansion (aside from the domestic fallout, there are cross-border issues) by cleverly concealing her identity. I have spent many hours and days attempting to track her down using the meager clues she's been throwing me (pardon while I wipe my brow to the accompanying strains of Stravinsky's Song of the Volga Boatman). Until now, my arduous endeavours have been fruitless, but I believe I may have finally figured out her secret identity! In order to ascertain the veracity of my claim, I continue to accumulate the evidence and once sufficient data has accrued I will be happy to reveal the extent of her subterfuge here. Please stay tuned.
Meanwhile I am happily collecting a massive pile of happy to ship to my spoilee pal. Unforeseen obstacles have repeatedly delayed my trip to the post office for the last few weeks and in order to assuage my guilt I keep adding trinkets, toys and tasty treats for her to the package. I'm also piecing out a few obscure hints for her. In the absence of any solid evidence in her hands, it is only fair to give her some means of tracking me down in the knit-blog sense.
If you've been following the saga, you'll recall that when I first got in touch with my spoilee, I was dismayed to see that my internet provider lists my real name in the header of outgoing mail for all my accounts. I panicked (fearing that I had just spoiled the fun of the chase for her) until I realized that it won’t help her find me in the blogverse (the only one that really counts) because my profile name is an alter ego and searching will not connect my real name to my blogger identity. I suppose she could try hacking into Blogger, but I doubt she'll go that far.
I am told she spent the entire afternoon hunting for me today - to no avail. Whew! I've been having a recurring nightmare lately in which she finds me before I get a chance to send her the package: There will be a knock at the door and I'll open it dressed for my opening night as the Baboon Brunnhilde (it's a concept opera), wearing a gorilla mask, blond braids and horned Valkyrie helmet, only to be hauled off by the Secret Pal Police to God-only-knows what eternal knitting torment, all while yelling on a high C: "no, wait - it's right there, on the coffee table..."
Damn. I'll bet the understudy tipped her off.